What draws us to people is often what we have in common, but what creates romance with a particular is often our differences. Initially, we are intrigued by the qualitites in a person that are challenging to our own personality in some way.
For instance, an outgoing person might be drawn to a more introverted, introspective person because this brings out curiosity, an audience to expore self, and some mystery that is enticing. The introvert may admire how easy it is for the other to engage and participate in the environments around them. Thus a spark happens, a desire to be near the other is in part due to these exciting differences.
But over time, as the new relationship energy fades and the work of relationship building begins, partner differences can become irritating. We may not be as excited by the differences, having not capitalized on the opportunity to grow as we had hoped, and now instead wish our partner to change.
This is the point at which conflict patterns often emerge and the 'perpetual issues' began to cycle in the relationship, conflicts in which we argue about the same old things and feel stuck with our differences. At this time, we need to better understand our differences and similarities more openly and objectively, and then return to excitement instead of criticism, working on ourself instead of wishing our partner was different.
JOURNAL PROMPTS
1. What are 2 important similarities between me and my partner?
2. How are we capitalizing on our similarities? How might we do more with that?
3. What are 2 important differences between us? How did I feel about the differences when we met? What about now?
4. How are we managing our differences? How can we do that better?
5. How can I get excited by my partner's differences again?
